Plan Number 22551 Code Name: Sister Mister

Objective: Create a mist that, when sprayed on my hideous sister, Victoria, will freeze her temporarily so that I will be spared from listening to her incessant prattle.

Notes: Victoria is unwilling to allow me to test varying formulations on her. It is difficult to create Freeze Spray from household products.

Additional note to self: Do not use food coloring again. Victoria was particularly upset about the unsightly stain on her already ugly shirt.

Plan # 2175 Code Name: Lunk Launcher

Objective: Remove Mike, Evil Ernie, and Eviler Ernie from The Fortress.

Notes: Difficult to convey Mike and the two Ernies to the launch platform.

Trajectory difficult impossible to predict.

Munch refuses to jump from tree.

Plan # 92707 Code Name: Smart Ears

Objective: Build a device that will translate my words and allow less intelligent people to understand my lexicon.

Notes: Micro-computers are very small and difficult to build with household items. People seem reluctant to express any interest in wearing the prototype model I built from paper cups and coat hangers.

Plan # 3216 Code Name: Glare Goggles

Objective: Create goggles that will amplify glare so objects (or my creepy sister, Victoria) will burst into flames.

Notes: Cannot find necessary lenses at local hardware store. Possible damage to surroundings if flaming sister touches them.

Battery pack is heavy and difficult to conceal.

Snack accessory difficult to reach.